The Dangerous Passion
by David M. Buss
Jealousy is ‘a state that is aroused by a perceived threat to a valued relationship or position and motivates behaviour aimed at countering the threat.’
- it is a state, transient
- it is response to a threat to a valued relationship in which a person is heavily invested in. you don’t get jealous about people you don’t care about, nor get jealous because of someone who you don’t think is a threat
- it motivates action designed to deal with the threat
Jealousy is not envy
Envy implies covetousness, malice and ill-will directed at someone who has what you lack; jealousy implies the fear of losing to a rival a valuable partner you already have.
Jealousy has adaptive function: designed to deal with real threats to relationships.
Both genders get jealous and both forms of infidelity are extremely upsetting. however, men tend to be more jealous about sexual infidelity and women emotional infidelity. From evolutionary point of view, this is because men can never be sure of the paternity of the children while women need to secure the emotional fidelity of men, in order to ensure that he will continue to provide the resources needed for her and the child.
Jealousy evolved as primary defense, a co-evolved response to threats of a partner’s infidelity and abandonment. It becomes activated whenever a person perceives signs of defection – a strange scent, a sudden change in sexual behaviour, a suspicious absence.
The intensity of jealousy also reveals to the partner information about the strength of commitment. people correctly interpret the total absence of jealousy as failure to be sufficiently committed to the relationship.
women have developed a strategy of deliberately evoking jealousy by strategically flirting with other men in their partner’s presence.
- increase the man’s perception of their desirability. remind them that she is still desirable
- provides a litmus test: by gauging partner’s response, she can evaluate the strength of his commitment
- increases a man’s commitment: by convincing him that he is surrounded by rivals, the man strengthens his commitment to her
though co-evolution also means that men have learnt to distinguish real threats from false alarms, to separate casual flirtation from real sexual interest.
Error Management Theory
evolution by selection will favour the inference that leads to the less costly error in order to avoid the more costly error. – false accusation of infidelity
Conditions that predict jealousy
- erectile dysfunction and male menopause
- alcohol intoxication
- women’s sexual dissatisfaction
- differences in desirability
susceptibility to infidelity: differences in attractiveness
those who perceive themselves as higher in mate value more likely to express desire for extramarital affairs and more likely to act on these desires. those who are well-matched with partners are the least likely to desire or engage in affairs.
gender difference in mate value: men are more threatened by other men who have better resources (more financially well-off), women are more threatened by other women who look more attractive (younger, prettier)
why women have affairs
- scent of symmetry: phermones, prefer more symmetrical men as affair partners
- sexy sons theory
- mate insurance
- trading up
- better sexual satisfaction
Love is a passion that defies rationality. It tells you that your partner has only eyes for you and won’t leave you because the odds are that sooner or later your partner will meet someone who is a bit better than you on mate value and also wants your partner as much as you do. We know a partner’s love through actions but the actions must reveal underlying emotions that defy rationality. one of these emotions is jealousy.
Jealousy is one of the most commonly found correlates of being in love. it evolved to protect love from not merely the threat of loss but from the threat of loss to a rival.
