still on my evanescence kick…

the event of fading and gradually vanishing from sight; “the evanescence of the morning mist”

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there’s something about certain songs from evanescence that just gets me.

the faint boundary between emotional, sadness, acceptance, futility, stoicism and quiet strength. it can be angry, sad, hopeless, yet heartbreaking strong. this is one who feels pain but accepts it, embraces it.

no the world is not always a bright, shiny place.

it’s hard to put in words the kind of feeling it gives me. it’s dark but it is not without lightness, however faint it is.

AMY LEE (who or what where you thinking of?)

and yes amy lee is damn hot and she has the awesome-st voice.

when darkness falls,

even if there is no light

there is still warmth from your side

a moment of impulsivity

to wander the darkness

the creepiness of the night

countered by the patch of star-filled sky.

encircled by the clouds.

just a moment of watchfulness

had an interesting conversation with ben today – actually it’s a weekly ritual. I’m a creature of habit and ben always throws out interesting topics.

- which came first? the aggression or the need to reproduce? I argued for the need to reproduce (though it does seem very archaic in this day and age). however, this topic will be on hold until i read up more on evolutionary psych.

- how SMU is not a university, even though it is an institute of higher learning because it doesn’t engage in scholarly pursuits. or should i say, a university is education for the sake of education, a place to broaden your horizons and expand your mind – at least that is the ideal – but SMU doesn’t even make a claim of that, but focuses on skills and management; vocational-focused.

how true do you think that the small physical size of singapore contributes to our lack of personal space and high dependency on each other? can it explain (maybe partially, if not fully) in the seeming inability for couples to let go of each other, give each other space and the strong need for physical attachment?

lets consider this, the small physical size means that the farthest you can be is only a mere 41.8km away and a maximum of 2-3 hours even on the slowest chugging bus. such close proximity gives you no excuse to not come when called for.

consider the fact that there are only so many places that you can and will go (people are creatures of habit and routinely go to the same places), you are bound to end up in places where you will meet each other. you probably run in the same social circles as well (for how else did you meet in the first place?)

there’s not much physical space and it engenders the same lack of personal space. there’s intersections in your social space as well. little wonder, there’s so much “stickiness”

but is this a bad thing? research has shown that people marry people who are close in physical proximity, have the same values, highly similar to themselves.

sometimes, i realise things about myself that i wish wasn’t me. i wish i was more assertive, more independent, but i am not those things and if i was, it will change the very fabric of myself. sure, i can be situationally assertive and independent but trait-wise, i am not.

going to school is a strain when u can’t see… all that mass of people walking by like an anonymous crowd, a crowd that is faceless and ominous, strange. you wonder if there is a friend in there, but you can’t make out the faces unless s/he is right in front of you. you can’t reach out and no one reaches in. where is the familiarity? even the steps you take are foreign, every step a possible danger, will u fall? walk into something? the cues that guide you are blurred and indistinct. the familiar feel is absent with the loss of acuity. how strange the world is? and the feeling of displacement is reinforced by the strain you put into trying to identify and process.. making out something familiar out of all that now seems so foreign…

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where will u linger? in a place that holds no sense of belonging? nothing but to beat a retreat, back into your shell and sequester yourself in your hole.

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the missing piece.

the slight fuzziness of the mind, the indistinct shapes that fill your vision, the feeling that light has cast a soft and hazy gauze over all you see as you rise from the mists of Morpheus’ dreamlands; such is the surreality of the morning. you blink and try to peer past the fluttering curtains, a shuttering of vision almost imperceptible. you see yet are unseeing; unseeing but still see. the vision you experience is more felt than imaged by your sight: the slow, soft, ethereal whisper of time and dawn; the world goes by without you being aware of much but the passage of time. time which seems so thick in itself that it envelopes, encompasses and overwhelms, time that spreads itself thickly, almost viscous; entrapping you in its timelessness. such is the power of morning. it will continue endlessly, without the human limitation of years and hours, it will endure beyond the transience of human existence. and yet, we never see it or feel it except for the faintest moment when we straddle between wakefulness and dream, in the darkness of the night or in the faintness of the morning.

Wondermark » Archive » #566; Supernatural Collective Nouns..

the line “________ my sorrow/ With the ___________orrowed” keep floating in my head. took me a long time to figure out what song it was….

Delicate – Damien Rice

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody’s watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody’s there
It’s not that we’re scared
It’s just that it’s delicate

So why’d you fill my sorrows
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place you’ve known
And why’d ya sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why’d you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there’s nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why’d you fill my sorrow
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place that you’ve known
And why’d you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why’d you sing with me at all?

And why’d you fill my sorrows
With the words you’ve borrowed
From the only place that you’ve known
Why’d you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why’d you sing with me at all?

including private ones and came across an old post that still rings true. *names/character references have been removed*

A guy that holds your hand without giving you gifts, without saying he likes you, is a jerk.

If he blows hot, blows cold now, before anything even begins, what will happen if I do get into a relationship with him. the unattainable is always more desirable. I put them on a predestal and they step all over me; I am too available to them.

I deserve a guy who is totally into me right from the start and someone who I totally like. Never get into a relationship without being totally smitten by that person. It doesn’t matter if he is the nicest person ever to you. if I don’t have romantic fantasies about him, he is NOT the one.

Never admit to a guy that I like him aka confess my feelings unless he confesses first. It never does work out. (Mainly because he gets the upper hand and takes me for granted; or he just doesn’t see me as a romantic interest).

A guy that makes physical advances on me without saying outright that he likes me IS taking advantage of me. 在吃我的豆腐。No exceptions to this rule.

if he can’t commit to you, is there a point to holding on to him?