when the past catches you unaware December 21, 2009

feeling a little despondent after coming home today… i guess it’s probably induced because i was thinking about results release tomorrow.

 

sometimes i just want to get away as fast as i possibly can, but there’s no running from the past.

It is not that i actively dislike him, but that i dislike myself. it brings up the past, which now seems so inglourious (yes,i know it’s a misspelling). i dislike it because i went into it for all the wrong reasons. yet the past is not erasable, as much as i want to forget it, and when it sneaks up on me like that, i feel all vulnerable and disgusted at myself.

 

i don’t know why i’m so prone to emo-ness recently. i try to push away this mopey-ness by doing things, like wrapping presents, cleaning up clutter but i’ll run out of enthusiasm and be stymied by this lassitude and inertia.

 

sometimes, i wish to start all over, but today was a stark reminder that the past will always be there…

ice-cream roundup December 21, 2009

 

tried Marvellous Cream today with YH while window-shopping at 313. i think out of all the ice-cream places i tried: Island Creamery, Marvellous Cream, Coldstone Creamery, Baskin Robbins, B&J, Tom’s Palette, Haagen Daaz, Udders, i like Udders the most because it has Choya! seriously I really like the Choya Lime sorbert. I still love chocolate but somehow I’m really leaning towards fruity flavours now

 

I am still dreaming about Nectarie’s dessert… love the strudel.. there are more dessert places coming up now but somehow their prices are also correspondingly increasing saw Fruit Paradise at orchard central, YH tells me that the fruit tarts are GOOOD and they really look scrumptious, that is going on my to-try list after i slake my craving for Nectarie

peekture updates December 20, 2009

 

late update but i went to ION with the mum and sisters and as per the usual ploy when we bring mum out, we convince her to splurge on good food for us the feast for the day was Hokkaido Ramen at ION food hall

note: ION food hall is full of little stores and different kinds of food but the predominant theme seems to be Japanese. Gotta try’em all!

 

 

doesn’t it look yummy? *camera has horrible colour *

 

christmas lights at sunway, malaysia *sister can’t take photos for nuts –_-, all came out blurry*

 

christmas trees in taka the bears are so cute!! *blah the dress makes me look tubby*

 

tree outside paragon

inside the ION christmas tree.. *love this pic

and how it looks from the outside

me playing with bubble ^-^

the most awesome dessert place, nectarie

point of view December 19, 2009

 

there’s something starkly different between reading a book and watching a movie, even if both are done from the third person perspective. with a book, you are immersed in the story: you become one with the story where your entire imagination is held captive by the tale. however, with a movie, no matter how much you absorbed into the story, you are apart from it; you stand outside looking in, you think that’s a really stupid thing to do, you criticise the character and go “wth is he thinking?”.

 

with a book, i get caught up in the character, i become the stupid boy who opens the book that warns “do not open”, i am the one with the infinite curiousity and no sense of danger. with a movie, i go “stupid boy, doesn’t he read warnings?” yet movies make me cry: i tear when pikachu takes the hit for ash in mewtwo strikes back; i wept when sakura gives up her most precious memory in cardcaptor sakura: the void; my eyes fog up when shinji cries for asuka as his eva destroys the angel that entraps her, i cried as i watched broken english.

 

i am apart yet a part of it.

don’t stop believing December 17, 2009

 

sometimes faith and hope runs out… and melancholy sets in…

sometimes, feelings of inadequacy sabotages everything…

 

sometimes, it feels like just filling in the holes of past mistakes, rehashing lessons learnt, reining in old negative feelings of depression, inadequacy, jealousy, frustration, fears and worries. just stemming the inevitable nasty self-destruction of ugliness but never really breaking new ground or changing to be just a little less ugly.

 

 

 

random: i want to go on the flyer

i want to watch the sun set and the sun rise and the moon rise and set

i want to feel the peace in nature, the forest, trees, flowers, rivers, mountains

i wish to start from a fresh slate 

time to recharge December 12, 2009

phew exams are finally over! damn this semester was tough, really tough. i definitely bit off more than i could chew. thanks for all the various people, you know who you are and thank you s for being there; it did make things go down easier and for once, i didn’t collapse, fall sick halfway.

 

in some ways, i wish i have done things differently, made different choices, put in more effort before, known more people, known certain people and certain things earlier, but sometimes things are just the way they are. to change it is to deny my present state and all the struggle it took to reach this point. mayhaps regret will cross my mind, but in sum, im grateful, even for all the pains, the hurts, the tears, the lessons learnt, the things omitted. for what is light without dark? one cannot see the brightness of day without the contrast to the darkness of night. likewise for joys and sadness.

 

there are certain points that seem more fraught with transitions and uncertainty even with the everchanging thing we call life and now is near one of these points. just when i’ve reached a point when i’m knowledgeable about the resources available to me to cope with my current challenges, i’m being pushed to face new unknowns.

 

the fear of the unknown: the stuff that nightmares, novels, stories and life is made of.

 

i’m happy where i am now. there’s always a fear that in moving forward, you lose the people you have behind. sometimes it’s too difficult to hold on: sometimes the situation demands of you, sometimes your own growth demands it of yourself. sometimes uncertainty clouds the present happiness; makes it seem so transient and ephemeral. one can let fear taint happiness but scarcity also makes it more precious.

 

so let me live in my dreams and flights of fantasy, enjoy the happiness of the moment, for who knows when will it last? all i know that it is precious. and even the past is treasured in all its bittersweetness along with the sweet present.

babbling December 2, 2009

 

i get messy during exams

i miss mum’s cooking

i wanna bake

i hoard too much stuff – point proven by my limited belongings in PGP

i like to collect things just because it’s pretty/cute/cool/etc or because it may prove useful

time to clear out

i’m getting stir-crazy, cooped up in sch/pgp

i want to go shopping/window-shopping

i want that jacket from uniqlo

i want to PLAY

i want to watch anime

i need to clean up/ back up my computer files

i need to plan for work – omg can i just stay in sch forever?

damn this means i’ll have to switch my shopping focus too

okay procrastination complete (like it ever is), off to bed

i will miss my room in pgp but heck time to go home and see mummy! and get glomped by the sisters and dutifully ignored by the brother

going malaysia – sunway lagoon and genting

just two more papers!

final fantasy November 29, 2009

maybe i should switch to tumblr if all im posting is videos

better version here

this is HQ version… but no embedding

HQ version again

Protected: triviality November 26, 2009

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evanescence continued November 22, 2009

still on my evanescence kick…